Words: 814
Reading time: 3 min 15 sec

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In her #1 New York Times Bestseller Daring Greatly, Brené Brown, Ph.D., and LMSW, delves into the transformative power of vulnerability. She shares why many of us are so wary of vulnerability and how we can finally accept and strengthen this aspect of ourselves and our lives.

Despite her repeated findings as a social scientist that vulnerability is crucial for a life filled with creativity and connection, she still harbored doubts and fear. Her candidness about this doubt permitted me to be honest with myself. Just as she wondered if there was something to this vulnerability business, I also wondered. Is vulnerability genuinely essential? 

Long story short — yes, it is. 

Brené argues that vulnerability is the key to wholehearted living. As humans destined for connection, our connections are at risk when we think we can bypass vulnerability. Because vulnerability is inevitable. It’s really just a matter of whether we come kicking and screaming or not. Thankfully, Brené has quite a bit of experience with kicking and screaming, and she speaks to the readers with patience and a keen understanding of the parts of us we try to keep in the shadows.

In Chapter One, she leads with a theme familiar to anyone who keeps up with self-help literature, especially via the blogosphere. Narcissism. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen an article about narcissism, usually with the same moral of the story: “Drop toxic people.” At a certain point, it begins to feel like there is a missing piece to this conundrum, and Brené kind of validated my concerns with her look at narcissism through the “vulnerability lens.” 

Brené says about narcissism: “I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose. Sometimes, the simple act of humanizing problems sheds an important light on them, a light that often goes out the minute a stigmatizing label is applied.” 

And that right there — the humanizing of tricky behaviors — is what she does throughout the book. 

Chapter Two continues to focus on vulnerability while debunking myths, such as “vulnerability is weakness.” Brené says vulnerability is “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” These feelings have historically been associated with weakness—to the detriment of our growth.

Of course, knowing that vulnerability is courageous does little for us if it still feels like jumping off a metaphorical cliff. Thankfully, this is where the book really shines — through in-depth discussions of real-life examples.

Brené offers glimpses into her life that help create a foundation for our understanding of vulnerability — not only in theory, but where it pops up in everyday encounters. We get to see her (unabashedly messy) process of dealing with vulnerability and hear client stories. And of course, readers get to ride along with Brené’s internal monologue — a sometimes hilarious and, more often than not, slightly embarrassing ride that we otherwise wouldn’t have access to.

For example, in her chapter focusing on shame (spoiler alert: shame plays a huge role in keeping us from harnessing the power of vulnerability), Brené tells us a story. After typing out a hot-headed email to her husband about a man who was upset with her, Brené sent it … right to the man she was venting about (ouch). Insert the shame attack. A barrage of insults entered her mind, including, “How could you be so stupid?” Afterward, Brené delves into the process of combating shame. 

One of the other elements I appreciate about the book is the questions posed for our consideration. While I’m sure many social scientists have read Brené’s work, I assume that most readers are not certified experts in human behavior. Instead, we are people who are trying our best with the knowledge we have. And while reading stories about vulnerability is compelling and inspiring, at a certain point, we want a nudge. Thankfully, this nudge comes as questions throughout the book. 

For example, in Chapter Five, we inspect the cultures within our families, communities, and other organizations. Brené invites us to delve deeper into the choices we make and why. Among other questions, Brené asks, “What happens when someone fails, disappoints, or makes a mistake?” 

She finds the power of questions like this in “their ability to shed light on the darkest areas of our lives: disconnection, disengagement, and our struggle for worthiness.” 

If we, as readers, take the time to dissect the questions, we can get so much more out of them than one thorough reading can give us. When I look at self-help books, I know that a part of the bad rap lies in the doubt of their practical application. However, if an author gives us areas for further exploration, it’s our duty to explore. After all, Brené offers a thorough look at the power of vulnerability while empowering us to do the same.